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Ultra-Realistic Fact Based Story
This is a totally believable story I'm about to tell you; of course with some help. I can't be expected to do all the work, can I?
By Steve

No? Okay, your funeral. Well, let's see... There are some birds around, you could try to play checkers with them. Or perhaps that lion that's walking up to y... Oh dear he bit your leg off. See what happens when you try to play checkers in the jungle? Now he's... oh dear, there goes your other leg. I guess I could still give you some options, if you really want to try to salvage this situation. Honestly I'm not sure it's worth your while, but how about...